In my last blog, I ranted a bit in response to a meme that really hit my heart and filled me with sadness and shame about the times I don’t really enjoy motherhood. That meme, and those like like it, remind me of the power of positivity movement, and I’ve got some thoughts on that as well.
On the subject of sometimes not enjoying some life experiences…
I’m 3 months away from it being 2 solid years of not being able to trust the ground beneath my feet, 2 solid years of one difficult situation after another, all the while trying to raise my babies with all the love I’ve got to give, and the very last of my energy reserves.
Meanwhile, so many well meaning folks have told me to just think positively, to just breathe, things will get better… Thanks guys, I hadn’t thought of any of that!
If you seriously think I hadn’t thought of any of that than you really don’t know me at all.
There are 24 hours in every day, that means I’ve been surviving this shit for over 15,000 hours now.
And you don’t think for a good portion of that time I am reminding myself that things will get better?
You don’t think for a good portion of that time I am fucking breathing?
You don’t think that I am doing my best to dig positive thoughts out of the rubble of my breaking heart?
If I’m coming to you telling you I’m having a hard time, it’s probably because I’m running out of positivity, running out of breath, and maybe just maybe I need some love.
When your go-to reaction is to tell me to think positively, what I hear is you are not hearing my words, my hurt. Or worse yet, what I hear is you shaming me out of my very real feelings, my very real experience of life.
Yes, positivity is so important.
We do in fact create our reality with our thoughts.
However, advising one another to “think positively” or “look on the bright side” when they are faced with adversity seems to have become nothing more than a platitude… yet another, “sending thoughts and prayers”.
I don’t know about you, but if I am fucking drowning, I would really prefer if you maybe threw me a life raft instead of telling me that if only I would think positively I might make it to shore.
Here’s the thing…
Sometimes the lemons life hands you are rotten and would make shitty lemonade.
Sometimes shit just isn’t good, life just is not going well, and sometimes it is perfectly fucking ok to feel not ok about it.
Wait, wait wait… but also this.
I recently came across an adorable little animation that sweetly sums up my feelings, check it out!